


Two Peas In A Pod

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-17
Updated: 2005-12-17
Packaged: 2019-01-19 02:43:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12401433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Lily Evans and Landon Evris are exactly alike: their families are the same, their personalities are the same and they even go through the same experiences. Naturally, they're friends. So what could possibly go wrong? Rated for swearing...





	Two Peas In A Pod

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

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Introduction

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Summary: Lily Evans and Landon Evris are exactly alike: their families are the same, their personalities are the same and they even go through the same experiences. Naturally, they're friends. So what could possibly go wrong? Rated for swearing...

 

Lily Evans and Landon Evris were the best of friends for as long as they could remember. Never has a day passed without them spending at least a few hours together. It wasn’t that they liked each other much at first; they were simply drawn to each other.

It was difficult to explain. Much like penguins walking funny.

Both their pairs of parents were workaholic lawyers, so they were left at a day-care since the age of one. After two months, they were already walking, but everyone was getting worried when the duo turned two completely silent. So when the two of them spoke for the first time, everyone was too thrilled to realize what the toddlers were up to.

They said their first word together and it was the same one: ‘Please’. Well, they actually said ‘Peas’, but everyone thought it was just because they couldn’t pronounce the ‘L’. They were actually trying to say peas but no one figured it out. Not even after Mrs. Frost (the meanest kindergarten teacher to ever come into existence) opened the cupboard door, and a bucket full of the disgusting peas they always ate for lunch fell on her head. 

Lily and Landon’s pranks always resulted in someone being mildly humiliated, but they had a policy: for every fifth prank, they would do a good deed. For example, some days, at nap time, they would sneak over to the corner and play a lullaby on the keyboard to help Jimmy Cohen fall asleep (he couldn’t sleep well without his mum beside him).

They thought the same way, they did the same things and, coincidentally, whenever something happened to one of them, it would happen to the other as well; from the most trivial things, to life-changing events.

When they were four, they both broke their right arms in two places, the both got 99 percent on a math test when they were nine years old and both their fish died on their 10th birthday from food poisoning. Not to mention they both had annoying older sisters. They simply went through things together.

So it was no surprise to either of them that right after Landon got a strange letter by an owl, another tawny owl appeared on Lily’s windowpane.

After approximately fifteen minutes of the two of them reading their letters over and over again, they looked up and stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before exclaiming in unison: “bloody fucking hell!”� 

“Lily Jade Evans and Landon Diamond Evris, where in the world did you learn such language?!”� exclaimed an indignant voice from the entrance to Lily’s bedroom.

The two eleven-year-olds looked up to see warm, brown eyes with lioness-like protectiveness in them, which belonged to a middle-aged woman with quite a plump figure.

“Well!”� she prompted with her hands on her hips and a tapping left foot.

“Well…”� began Landon hesitantly “Well, Mrs. Noel…”�

“Remember Miss Darcy?”� asked Lily with a curious expression on her face.

“The pompous lady from the parents-teachers conference?”� asked Mrs. Noel furrowing her already wrinkled forehead.

Landon turned away from her slightly so she wouldn’t see the smirk that was quickly threatening to engulf his face and fake a coughing fit into his hands, while Lily was fighting her own smile from appearing. “Yes, that’s the one”� she confirmed.

“What about her?”�

“Well, she lost her patience the other say when a student accidentally knocked over her chair”� said Landon (after emerging miraculously straight-faced from behind his hands), as though that explained everything.

There was a moment’s silence, during which each of them was waiting for the others to speak, until Mrs. Noel snapped. “And?!”�

“Well”� began Lily in a business-like manner “as Miss Darcy was sitting on said chair at the time (and being quite a large lady), she fell to the floor heavily… and I imagine it hurt so I don’t blame her for… er…”�

“For enriching our verbal horizons”� completed Landon helpfully.

Mrs. Noel blinked blankly. “That little, round, obnoxious, pathetic excuse for a human being, who constantly interrupted the conference to correct people’s grammar (adding her own novel-long speeches), swore in front of 35 impressionable fifth-graders?”�

Lily and Landon nodded as one, their eyes wide and innocent.

There was another moment’s silence before Mrs. Noel finally turned around and walked out the door, closing it calmly behind her.

Lily and Landon immediately turned to face each other.

“Five quid on Mrs. Noel calling the school to get Miss Darcy fired”� challenged Lily.

“You’re on,”� replied Landon with enthusiasm.

In truth, Jimmy Cohen (who still couldn’t sleep well without his mum beside him) taught them those words after his uncle got drunk over last Christmas and began singing rude songs with quite a broad vocabulary. But if they had told Mrs. Noel that, her Polish side would’ve taken over and she would’ve gotten them transferred to another school. 

Besides, it wasn’t a complete lie. The story about Miss Darcy was true, but her kind of swearing was something like ‘primitive barbaric hooligans’.

Mrs. Noel was a sort of substitute parent to Lily and Landon. She was technically Lily’s parents’ housekeeper, but, as neither child’s parents were ever around, she became their unofficial source for parental guidance.

“So about those letters… “Began Landon abruptly, turning back to the letters.

“Well…”� said Lily, frowning in concentration “the owls are still here. We could write back and ask about it”�.

“If this is someone’s idea of a joke…”� murmured Landon as he sat at Lily’s desk and began writing a response.

Lily smiled at his vague quasi-threats, but inwardly agreed: If this turned out to be a prank, she would be crushed. And there was no stopping the fantasies that she would have about this ‘Hogwarts’ place…

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AN: An important announcement — 

All grammatical mistakes are to be ignored as I am still in the learning process of correct grammar.


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